Loading ...28
June
2007
June
2007
27
June
2007
June
2007
No Jimmy Carter, He!0
In contrast to our increasingly embarrassing ex-President Jimmah, who advocates the strangest strategic position I have ever seen (the idea that it is wrong to choose sides - how novel! - and insipid), Rudy G. knows damn well that there is only one faction in the Palestinian territories that even offers a remote chance for […]
26
June
2007
June
2007
How Rudy Giuliani Soothes Conservative Fears0
Today Rudy Giuliani will speak at Pat Robertson’s Regent University, where he will address a group of conservative voters who are at odds with some of his stances on social issues. Giuliani’s goal, according to the Sun is to convince skeptics that “his bona fides on leadership and fiscal discipline should trump his views on… like abortion.” How will he do it?
Ladies and gentlemen, I know that many of you disagree with my position on abortion. And my mixed signals on gay marriage. Or gun control. And I understand that it looks a little funny that pretty much everyone so many of my associates, from Bernie Kerik to the cocaine-dealing campaign aide to that molesty priest have engaged in criminal activities. The cross-dressing thing probably doesn’t put your mind at ease. And the fact that I’ve been married three times, once to my cousin, well, even I find that a little creepy. But you know what? 9/11. Also: Firemen! Flags! Kittens with firemen! God bless America.
That’s our guess, anyway.
Giuliani Will Strive To Woo Christian Conservatives [NYS]
21
June
2007
June
2007
Giuliani Notes: Anaheim Mayor Curt Pringle - Rudy is the Strong Leader We Need as President0
21
June
2007
June
2007
In Brief: “Back in New York for a fund-raiser last …0
“Back in New York for a fund-raiser last night, Giuliani got the nod from ‘Sopranos’ star Tony Sirico, who played Paulie Walnuts. ‘I love him,’ said Sirico, who flashed dagger eyes when asked about Mayor Bloomberg. ‘Ya hear what I said? I love him.’” [NYDN, via]
21
June
2007
June
2007
Mike Bloomberg May Run For President0
“It’s the Republican National Committee. They’re calling to say thanks.”
The papers are still going nuts over the prospect of a Bloomberg for President campaign, which the mayor swears is not going to happen. (But it might!) (And will!)
Both the Times and the Post shift into overdrive, reporting that Bloomberg’s advisors have been planning a run for two years and speculating that his candidacy would draw votes away from the Democrats, which is almost certainly true: Are Republicans really going to pull the lever for a dope-smoking, vertically-challenged Hebrew from the capital of Godless America? Mike better get some platform shoes and marry up a cousin right quick.
Speaking of cousin-marriers, former mayor Rudy Giuliani quipped that “I was the first Republican elected mayor in New York City in 25 years, and I was the first one to remain Republican in 50 years and counting,” which at least shows that Rudy remembers John Lindsay. While most people are making Ross Perot analogies, we’re going to look a little further back for a historical parallel: In 1936, Louisiana Senator Huey Long had a plan to run an independent campaign against Franklin Delano Roosevelt, which would split the Democratic vote and let a Republican take the office. Huey figured that the Republicans would fuck up so badly that the 1940 Democratic nominee, i.e. Huey, would be a shoo-in. Long got shot before he could test the theory, but imagine if he had lived. And had billions of dollars. As we’ve said, we’re not averse to the mayor, but if the cost of seeing him become president is four years of incompetence and folksy bullshit from Fred Thompson, it’s a bill we don’t wanna pay.
19
June
2007
June
2007
Giuliani Notes: Thompson 28% Rudy 27% McCain 10% Romney 10% in Latest Rasmussen National GOP Poll0
18
June
2007
June
2007
Rudy Giuliani Watch: Rudy 28% Thompson 19% McCain 18% Romney 7% in Latest USA Today/Gallup Poll0
17
June
2007
June
2007
Giuliani Notes: South Carolina - Thompson 25% Rudy 21% McCain 7% Romney 11% in Latest Mason-Dixon Poll0
6
June
2007
June
2007
Giuliani Attacked By Vengeful God0
As presidential aspirant Rudy Giuliani attempted to explain his extremely nuanced position on abortion at a Republican debate in New Hampshire last night, lightning struck the sound-system, leading some easily credulous observers to ascribe the not uncommon act of nature to the whims of an angry God. Good, now we’ve got it narrowed down: Doing your cousin and marrying three times? God’s cool with that. Saying that you’re personally opposed to abortion but you believe in a woman’s right to choose? Big Guy gets a little irate. Keep that in mind, blasphemers.
4
June
2007
June
2007
In Brief: And it’s clearly not because they find the …0
And it’s clearly not because they find the idea of multiple wives objectionable. [NYS]
2
June
2007
June
2007
Breaking: Giuliani is Disgusting, Likely Sucking Your Blood0
Second time tragedy, third time barf! Rudy Giuliani, on whose watch occurred the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history, is, by all accounts, still running for president. Rolling Stone’s magical politics man Matt Taibbi has been following the barnyard generalissimo around, and it turns out he’s worse than the Bushes (”George Bush has balls, too, but even he has to bow to this motherfucker.”) and saying inappropriate things to your kids:
“America’s Mayor” is back on the campaign trail — in a room packed with standard-issue Adorable Schoolchildren, in this case beatific black kids in elementary school uniforms with wide eyes and big RUDY stickers pinned to their oblivious breasts.Giuliani has good stage presence, but his physical appearance is problematic — virtually neckless, all shoulders and forehead and overbite, with a hunched-over, Draculoid posture that recalls, oddly enough, George W. Bush, the vestigial stoop of a once-chubby kid who grew up hiding tittie pictures from nuns.
Oh, it gets better…
Truly, we’re just happy someone else jumped on the Gawker Weekend Anti-Fascist Bandwagon:
Rudy Giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days — like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chávez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a “stuck pig,” and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesn’t even bother to conceal the fact that he’s had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we can’t have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, who’ll accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. That’s Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush.
Some more alarming mental images: Rudy is prone to flashing “queer smile[s]” and “in his years as mayor — and his subsequent career as a lobbyist — jumped into bed with anyone who could afford a rubber.” Then, of course, there’s the whole using-engorging-tragedy-to-flout-the-democratic-transfer- of-government thing.
In short, Run Mike, Run. Save us before Bernie Kerik declares martial law and Judith Nathan puts an above-ground pool on the South Lawn. We’ll all stop smoking; whatever you want.